Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A Defense of a Worthy Defendee

You. Quit hating on Frodo.
    By "you," of course, I mean all Frodo-haters. If you like Frodo, or if you don't even know who he is, I salute you.
    Normally I don't let crap like this get to me, but I feel like things have gone too far.
    The Lord of the Rings film trilogy has an official page on Facebook, and on May 23 the page named Frodo Baggins their Character of the Week. Being the strange obsesser that I am, I felt obligated to comment at least half a dozen times and check back frequently to see what others were saying. Some comments I really liked and agreed with, but many made me mad.
    Why, you ask? Well, apparently people decided (for reasons unknown) to post comments describing in great detail how much they hate Frodo. Some comments were downright nasty, and I feel the need to rant.
    So kick back, relax, and enjoy as I completely obliterate their foolish arguments.

First argument: Sam did all the work.


    This is the only argument I partially agree with.
    I may be obsessed with Frodo, but I am not completely blind. I realize that the quest would have failed, had Frodo gone alone. I realize just how important Sam is to the quest's ultimate success. So don't think that I am completely dismissing Sam's contribution because I love Sam very dearly, and Sam is beyond a doubt the perfect friend and companion to have.
    That being said, I think it is really unfair to give Sam 100 percent of the credit and give none of it to Frodo. After all, who actually had to bear the Ring? Who had to fight the nonstop torment day and night? Who had to resist the Ring's corruption? Oh, that's right--Frodo.
    So don't say that Sam did all the work. Sam did half of it, but Frodo was the one who actually had to bear the Ring.

Second argument: Frodo is a wuss.


    No. Just no.
    I don't know how many ways I can say this. He is not a coward. He is not a sissy. He has courage. He has more courage than anyone else.
    Why, you ask? It's quite simple, really. He's a Hobbit, and Hobbits are considered the weakest race in Middle-Earth. They're only about three and one-half feet in height, and they have no knowledge of battle. Yet a hero arises from this weakest race. (Please feel free to read my post "Why Frodo Baggins Is a True Hero" for further elaboration.)
    Yes, yes, yes, there's the whole "Frodo runs away from a fight" thing. I recognize that people would conclude from this that he's a wuss, but it's still completely wrong. Hobbits are not a violence-seeking race. They prefer to avoid conflict at all costs; that's why they care so little about the goings-on of Men.
    And frankly, Frodo's desire to avoid a fight makes me admire him even more. Someone commented on the photo I mentioned earlier that Frodo "doesn't have any blood on his hands," which is 100 percent accurate. He is the only one of the Fellowship who does not kill or contribute greatly to a killing. I don't even need to elaborate with Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, or Boromir. Merry kills many Orcs, and without him Éowyn would not have been able to kill the Witch-King. Pippin kills an Orc that was planning to kill Gandalf. Sam kills an Orc that was about to kill Frodo, and Sam would have killed Shelob if she hadn't fled. Frodo is the only one who doesn't kill, and I admire him deeply for that.

Third argument: Frodo is a whiner.


    Exactly what Lord of the Rings are you watching? Because the one I know does not have a whining Frodo.
    Yes, he complains. No, he does not whine. I consider whining to be nonstop complaining. Frodo complains a few times. He does not do so excessively.
    Let's count the times he complains, shall we? Let's start with the first movie.
    Final score after thinking it through (keep in mind that I have all three movies practically memorized): once. The complaining line: "I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." Some might argue that the line "I know what I must do. It's just I'm afraid to do it" is a complaint, but I do not think it is. I think he is admitting to his fear and his vulnerability, but I do not consider that complaining. It's more a statement of fact than anything else.
    Final score of the second movie: once. The complaining line: "I can't do this, Sam." But what, you ask, about the line "The Ring is taking me, Sam. If I put it on, he will find me. He will see"? I don't think that's a complaint, either. It's a statement of fact.
    Final score of the third movie: thrice. The first line: "Sam, help me. [Sam: Mr. Frodo! Stand up, Mr. Frodo, stand up!] It's so heavy." The second line (omitting the repeated words): "I can't manage the Ring, Sam. It's such a weight to carry, such a weight." The third line (again, omitting the repeated words): "No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water or touch of grass. There's nothing, no veil, between me and the Wheel of Fire. I can see him with my waking eyes!" For the most part, he barely speaks in Mordor, opting instead (as in the books) to suffer in silence. And even that first complaint is pushing it for me. I barely consider that a complaint.
    So by my count, Mr. Baggins complains a total of five times in the three movies. The extended editions are probably a good twelve to fifteen hours combined. So five complaints over twelve hours would be one complaint every 2.4 hours.
    Whining? I think not.

Fourth argument: Frodo is emo.


    Seriously?
    It's not being emo; it's being tormented. While bearing the Ring, Frodo completely forgets every bit of his old life (see the final quote from the previous argument). The Ring, not Frodo, is responsible for that. The Ring is doing whatever it can to get back into the hands (or applicable body part) of Sauron, and if torment is what it takes, torment is what the bearer will get.
    But what, O what, about Frodo's state of depression following the quest? Well, can you really blame him? Just like his physical afflictions, his mental afflictions are incurable as well. It simply would not be possible to just "shake off" so much torment, madness, and despair--not to mention the guilt he might feel due to his failure to actually destroy the Ring himself. (But I defend that last part in the post I mentioned earlier.) Frodo says so himself: "There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold."
    You try bearing such a terrible burden as the Ring and see what it does to you.

Fifth argument: Frodo is mean to Sam.


    I must ask again: Exactly what Lord of the Rings are you watching?
    I am seeing the exact opposite of this argument. Frodo really cares about Sam. While Frodo is extremely grateful for Sam's company and realizes that he would have not gotten far with Sam, Frodo does not want Sam to suffer.
    Frodo rarely becomes angry with Sam, and when he does, he almost instantly apologizes. And his apologies are sincere, not superficial. But, you point out, there's that time that Frodo told Sam to go home. Yes, I saw that part. But Frodo soon deeply regrets his words, and as soon as he and Sam reunite, the first words out of Frodo's mouth are apologetic and regretful.
    But what about Frodo's decision to leave Middle-Earth? That had nothing to do with Sam. There was no way Frodo would be able to heal at all while he was in Middle-Earth. Frodo went to the Undying Lands to find healing, not to abandon Sam. And of course Sam was distraught; how would you feel if your best friend was leaving and you would never see him again? But Frodo does what he can to make this painful departure as easy as possible, and when he is saying his final good-bye, you can tell that Frodo really hates leaving Sam, and I think that Frodo's decision to give Sam the book is a great testament of their friendship. If Frodo was mean to Sam, would Frodo have given Sam the book?
   
Sixth argument: Frodo and Sam are gay.


This one wins the "Sh!tt!3st Argument Ever" Award! Not to mention that this completely contradicts the previous argument.
    First of all, Sam marries Rosie Cotton, with whom he was deeply in love for the longest time. They have thirteen children together. I think that alone thoroughly disproves the argument, but I'll go on.
    Frodo and Sam are not a gay couple. They are best friends; they have a brotherly relationship. Each one cares very deeply about the other, but there is no romantic interest.
    Hobbits are an affectionate race. They have a wonderful quality that modern society lacks--they do not conceal any fond feelings they have for each other. Look at Merry and Pippin! They do everything together, and they miss and worry about each other when they're apart. How is that any different from Frodo and Sam's relationship?
    Wait. Let me guess. You're about to bring up that Frodo kisses Sam before Frodo leaves Middle-Earth. In the books, Frodo kisses Merry, Pippin, and Sam, not Sam exclusively. (Look it up if you want. It's the end of the final chapter of The Return of the King.) Plus, it's a kiss on the forehead. It's more of a blessing than a gesture of "I love you. Let's get married." It would be like a mother kissing her child on the forehead before she leaves for a business trip.
    Frodo and Sam are fond of each other. They are closer than brothers, and we could all learn a lesson from their friendship and the unconditional nature of it. However, they are not gay. End of story.

Well, this hereby concludes my ranting session. I really enjoyed writing this. It felt so good to rant. If you have another argument, let me know so I can demolish that one, too.

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